


no matter what

by johncasey



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, Sarah & Chuck Cover Relationship Only, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28409226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johncasey/pseuds/johncasey
Summary: Day one.He’s aburnout. Cold hearted.He’s not unlike her.I know enough to know that I don’t like her.But neither of their utterances match the way he slams her back against the wall and crushes her lips with his own. It doesn’t match the way their clothes fall to a growing pile on the floor. It’s needy and desperate and it’sjust a fuck.And maybe the first time it was.
Relationships: John Casey & Sarah Walker, John Casey/Sarah Walker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	no matter what

Chapter One

Day one.

He’s a **burnout**. Cold and _brittle_ hearted.

~~He’s not unlike her.~~

_I know enough to know that I don’t like her._

But neither of their utterances match the way he slams her back against the wall and crushes her lips with his own. It doesn’t match the way their clothes fall to a growing pile on the floor. It’s needy and desperate and it’s _just a fuck_.

And maybe the first time it was.

Zarno pits them against each other for real and the way Casey throws her on the bed to devour her is **dangerous**. The way she moans into his kiss and his rumbling growl against her neck---they’re playing with fire. 

They both like it.

They don’t cuddle. Not really. But they’re both sated and smiling while he smokes a cigar. His kisses taste like the sweet tobacco and Sarah decides it’s her new favorite thing. She doesn’t have a lot of favorites, but that one’s at the top of the very short list. And she hates herself for it.

~~This is Bryce all over again.~~

Except… _it’s not_.

Chuck can tell there’s something off. Sarah’s distant and he doesn’t like it. _It’s just how I am_ isn’t working anymore. She wonders if he knows the way her heart flutters when Casey smirks, the way his hands move over her body in the darkness, the one place they’re afforded **privacy**. He’s gentle and rough all at once and _oh_ , the way he makes her scream his name---this is his heaven. 

But she smiles and reassures Chuck that everything is okay. She’s **his** ~~cover~~ girlfriend.

She already knows her heart belongs to someone else. And again, she hates herself for it.

Chuck wants a real girlfriend, though. Sarah doesn’t hesitate to start crying. _We have to sell it_.

She runs to Casey and he loves her the only way he knows how; rough, reverent, and with everything he has. Her body reacts to him in the best way and it’s not long before he’s deep inside of her, moaning into the kiss. Her name’s on his lips as he reaches his peak right after she does and three little words are whispered that sends Sarah into a panic. But she clings to him anyway. She can’t answer yet, but she loves him. She loves him more than she’s ever loved anything. _It’s just hard to say it out loud_.

Everyone thinks Sarah is distraught about Lou and Chuck, but really, she’s angry at herself because she can’t say what she needs to say to Casey. How can they do this? How can they keep on? The only option is to stop this---but the problem is that _she can’t_.

And neither can he.

There’s barely a night that goes by that they aren’t together. But then, Lou is gone because Chuck still loves Sarah.

Watching her fake being Bartowski’s girlfriend is getting harder and harder, but Casey counters it with the fact that **he’s** the one who gets to watch Sarah’s back arch off **his** bed. He’s the one that gets to kiss a trail down her naked body. He gets to taste her, to feel her in the most physical, primal way---Casey gets to love her. And yes, Bartowski loves her, too, but she loves **Casey** in return.

The plot thickens and becomes more dangerous and they _do_ both care about Chuck enough to not want him locked away in some padded room for eternity, _or worse_.

So Sarah has to move in with Chuck.

Casey hates it. He’s gotten spoiled with her presence and now she only comes over to his place when Chuck is sleeping and she can’t stay long. He misses the way he could hold her all night, feel her breathing against his chest, and wake up to see her next to him. 

She does, too.

Chuck is a great guy. Handsome, sweet, but the biggest problem is that he’s not John Casey. Chuck will never understand the way it feels to pull a trigger and take a life and the power that comes with it. He does not understand orders. He does not understand giving up everything you love in the world to try and make it a better place. He does not understand sacrifice. He does not understand the _**loneliness**_. But Casey does.

Sarah can’t ever explain truthfully why she cries at night, and it’s not until Sarah realizes that something’s about to change their lives forever that she knows they’re going to have to come clean. At least to Chuck. And likely everyone else.

“Casey…” she says, voice a little shaky her, hands matching as he walks into her old apartment to meet her as requested. “We need to talk…”

“That’s never a good conversation starter,” he quips, though he motions for her to sit on the bed, taking a seat next to her, eyes on hers. He reaches to wipe away a stray tear and meets her gaze. “What’s this about?” he asks, knowing that she’s going to end it. They never had a future together. They were _spies_. Spies don’t get to plan happy futures together.

“John…” she breathed, looking down at her hands as he placed one of his over both of hers. “I’m pregnant…”

**Author's Note:**

> my favorite song for sarah and casey is papa roach's 'no matter what' specifically the acoustic version, which inspired the fic title obviously and the chapter title. this is just something i had to get down and out of my head... should i continue it???


End file.
